A Dream

whisper by nia

Last time I dream of my late father is on his funeral. It was him and me trying to get out from some sort of cave. We both climbing on a slippery rocks, he handed me a rope, asking me to grab it, but I fail. I fail and I fall…

17 years, not a single dream of him, makes me think that he might have forget me, or maybe he wants me to forget him.

But last night, I dream of him. He and my family visit me at the hostel, not talking at all, instead he give me the sweetest smile – a smile the I miss so much that I could be dying to see it. Then my mom tells me that they’ll come again tomorrow, after my exam.

But tomorrow come with a disappointment. Everyone is here, but my father. I try to contact him but I could not find his number in my cell phone. Then, I start to cry….

I wake up and realize it just a dream, and then I cry…..


What if

whisper by nia

I haven’t used this word for many years already. I convince myself that words only belong to those who cannot accept the facts and refuse to stand up and fight after failure. In other word, a loser.  It might be a wrong thought, but at least that is what I believe.

I am pretty aware that what we want and what we get are not always mutually exclusive. By saying, or even thinking of the words, will make me less grateful of what I have right now. I might not be a successful person yet, but a loser is by no mean a choice for me.

But somehow at this moment, there is a twist in my mind. If thinking of the words “what if” makes me a loser, then the loser is what I am. 

In this big hall full of custom, while waiting for my name to be awarded with master scroll, my eyes randomly searching for my family and finally not very far from me, I notice my brother, my mother and an empty seat next to her. Yes, an empty seat that I reserve for my father. I know, that is the most ridiculous and unacceptable thinking. But my heart starts to ponder …

WHAT IF my father is here?
Will he gives his brightest smiles?
Will he wipes his happiness tears?
Will he hugs and tell me, “Dear, I am so proud of you”
………………………………………………………………………………………

If only I can change the word “What if, my father is here” to “Hey, my father is here!”, then all the questions would be answered.

About Me

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NIA is acronym of my name. And also happen to be acronym of " natural idiosyncrasy anonymous", which apparently suits me well at this moment. I'm not so good in putting the right word verbally, but slightly, (maybe slightly) better in putting it in a nice readable material. Here I am, whispering my unspoken thought... and this is a piece of my thoughts

SoOthing MelOdy


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